The Product Person's Guide to Mentoring

How to mentor and how to be a mentee

When I first got acquainted with product management, I was desperate to find a mentor. I longed for an experienced person’s perspective.

I remember, in my second product role, I was working as the sole product manager at a startup where they wanted to build a “spaceship” – a huge product with all its bells and whistles. At the time, I was reading Marty Cagan’s Inspired, and I remember thinking, “We’re doing everything wrong!”

I worked with two male founders who were very strong-willed, so it was difficult to shift their mindsets. What also didn’t help was that they had already committed to a very tight timeline with investors when I joined the company. So I “just” needed to make sure the development agency that was building the product executed on time.

I did my best to create some structure and show them how out-of-reach their plan was, and why it didn’t make sense to build everything they wanted. But I certainly could have used a more experienced product person’s perspective to craft some convincing arguments.

Teresa Torres ended up being my mentor, of course, without her knowing it. Her actionable, practical content helped a lot in making sense of large scopes. Other product people also came to my rescue with their candid conference talks, books, and articles.

Now, years later, I’ve learned a lot about mentoring and coaching, and enjoy supporting (aspiring) product managers. It can make a big difference in someone’s life when you get a more experienced, or just a different, perspective than your own.

If you’re in product, I encourage you to mentor others; this guide aims to help you with that. If you’re looking for a mentor, this will hopefully be helpful in knowing what your responsibilities are in this process.

The Modern Mentoring Mindset

I recently attended a workshop on mentoring, as I joined a program to mentor university students from my alma mater, Copenhagen Business School. One of the thoughts that stayed with me was that modern mentoring is a mutual, collaborative learning process.

Traditional mentoring was based on the assumption that the mentor knows best, thereby giving advice to the mentee. In this case, there’s a risk of creating a “cloning factory:” you end up shaping the other person to your own image. The goal with mentoring is to give the mentee the opportunity to create themselves.

This collaborative mindset truly resonated with me.

How to Be a Great Mentor

Your role as a mentor is to facilitate the mentee’s thinking and empower them to take charge of their own development and career.

When I meet people who are interested in mentoring others, their fear is often that they’re uncertain how to structure the mentoring sessions. So, let me give you some ideas here that are informed by my learnings from an executive coaching program, the mentoring workshop, and my experience in coaching and mentoring product managers.

1. Set the Terms and Define the ‘Why’

Before you dive into specifics, establish a clear collaboration model.

• Establish ground rules: Discuss frequency and length of sessions, confidentiality, and clarify expectations.

• Agree on objectives: Ask the mentee, “What is your goal for our mentoring sessions?” This might change as you collaborate, but it makes it clear what the mentee wants to achieve and how you might support them. In each upcoming session, you can start by asking a few questions to clarify what they want to work through during that specific session:

  • “What’s the subject that you want to explore today?”

  • “If you were to say it in a few words, what is your most important goal related to this topic?”

  • “Where would you like to start?”

• Challenge them (in a kind way): Once they’ve defined a goal (e.g., to get a senior product manager role), dig deeper into their motivation by asking, “What will this do for you?” This will challenge them to think deeper about their motivations, and they’ll gain new insights.

• Be authentic: Your mentee appreciates you being open and willing to share successes and failures. You don’t have to be a “perfect” professional; some vulnerability shows the mentee a more realistic approach.

2. Know Your Roles (Beyond Just ‘Advisor’)

As a mentor, you wear many hats, depending on the situation. The important thing is being aware of all these roles you can take on.

I learned these roles from Kirsten M. Poulsen, the founder and director of KMP+ House of Mentoring who have been designing professional mentoring programs for the past 25 years:

• Storyteller: Share inspirational and cautionary tales from your past. (E.g. how you handled a difficult stakeholder, or what you learned from a product flop.)

• Discussion partner: Enter into discussions and challenge mentee.

• Advisor: Provide specific, expert knowledge when truly needed. (E.g. for job interviews.)

• Knowledge sharer: Share professional knowledge when needed to guide the mentee on where to find information on different topics to make better decisions.

• Coach: Ask questions that lead to new insights. (E.g. When do you really feel you’re in flow? What changes your energy dramatically?)

• Critic: Help the mentee to ask for feedback and give it to them constructively. (E.g. What would you like to gain feedback on?)

• Networker: Support the mentee in developing and using networking; guide them how to grow their network.

• Door opener: Help the mentee gain access to new networks or contacts by opening doors to people, references, or opportunities. It’s important to note, that it’s the mentee who has to step through the door and take initiative.

• Sponsor: Guide the mentee in their career progression by advocating for and supporting them in concrete ways that build professional growth and confidence.

• Friend: Encourage and support mentee.

3. Don’t Let the Monkey Jump

During my executive coach training, our experienced coaches emphasised the importance of “not letting the monkey jump over to your shoulder.” Meaning, that it’s the coachee’s responsibility to take action. It’s the same with mentoring; the mentee is driving. They need to take ownership of their present and future, the mentor is just there to support them.

4. Review and Evaluate Collaboration

At the end of each session, you can ask the mentee to review what happened for them in the session:

• “Where are you now in relation to your goal?”

• “What are you taking away from this exploration today?”

• “What is a small step you could take?”

These questions will deepen learning for them and bridge your session with the outside world where they can act on their objectives.

You can also evaluate how you collaborate: what’s working and what needs to be improved. It gives you both the opportunity to openly share your thoughts on

• what you should keep doing in the next sessions,

• new activities you might want to add, and

• what you might want to stop doing.

So you can iterate on your collaboration based on feedback from each other, just like working on a product.

How to Be a Mentee

When you’re the person being mentored, you have the full responsibility for articulating your goals. Being a mentee is not a passive activity where you wait to be educated; it requires active ownership.

Your mentor is giving you their time and experience, respect that investment with preparation and clarity.

1. Do Your Homework

Preparation is the single greatest sign of respect for your mentor’s time.

• Come with objectives: You should prepare an introduction and your objectives for the first mentoring session. Share what you want support with.

• Define your problem, and come with a proposal: When you present a challenge, frame it clearly and share your thinking. For example, “I am struggling with stakeholder alignment on feature X because of Y competing priorities. My proposed solution is Z. What blind spots am I missing?”

• Ask deeper questions: Don’t just expect solutions from your mentor. Instead of asking what career path to take, you should reflect on your motivations, explain your thought process, and display your critical thinking by asking thoughtful questions.

2. Embrace and Discuss Uncertainty

Uncertainty is a fundamental part of a product manager’s job, whether it’s market disruption, team instability, or career ambiguity.

• Be open and honest: If you’re unsure of your next move or don’t know something, don’t hide it. Discuss your reasons for uncertainty and work on addressing them so they don’t become a hindrance to your professional aspirations.

• Be active and eager: The most effective mentees are proactive. They actively seek support, tools, and new perspectives. Take notes, commit to actions, and report back on what you tried and what you learned.

3. Give Back Through Reverse Mentoring

Remember, the process is mutual. Your mentor benefits, too. By being a well-prepared mentee, you naturally offer reverse mentoring. You bring new knowledge, fresh insights on emerging trends (AI, digital tools, new user behaviours), and challenge the mentor’s established thinking. This is how the most valuable relationships are built.

Find Your Mentors and Mentees

I hope this guide has provided some inspiration to find your mentor or mentee (or both). You can always learn during the process, the important part is that you’re open to feedback and stay curious.